LifeChange

How do you resolve conflict?

Conflict in inevitable in our relationships with each other.  In marriage, friendships, dating,  between co-workers, and those people you work for... you aren't always going to agree on everything.  The chart below is something we use here at Life Church as we help people work through conflict.

A person who...

• ...values the relationship but has low self-esteem will most likely yield in the conflict.
• ...does not value the relationship but has high self-esteem will try to win the conflict.
• ...does not value the relationship and has low self-esteem will just withdraw from the conflict.
• Our culture typically promotes the compromise solution, which involves both people giving in some and finding ground in the middle.  Problem with this approach is you never get your way, there's a subtle temptation to keep track of everything you've given, you always feel like you're giving in and no real effort is made to resolve what's at the core of the conflict.
• ... values the relationship and has a high self-esteem will work to resolve the conflict.  This involves understanding where the other person is coming from, the root of the issue, understanding God's perspective, and loving the other person regardless of your personal feelings and position.  If you do these things then you can work together to resolve the conflict.

A conflict that is resolved does not keep coming back it.  It is settled.  True resolution means you explore and understand what's at the root of the conflict, not just addressing the symptoms (when we deal with just the symptons we keep having the same conflict over and over again.)

For those relationships in my life that I value and that are important to me, I will do whatever it takes to resolve the conflict and not just ignore it, compromise to make it just go away, or justify my position to win at any cost. 

How do you handle conflicts in your life with those you care about?

iPhone & Computer Tools We'll Use From Africa

One of the highlights from our last adoption from Ethiopia was the interaction with everyone back at home.  This time we hope to do even a better job of providing updates and sending pictures/video back to allow others to share in the journey with us (this assumes we have internet connections which we've been told we will in both Rwanda and Ethiopia.)  Thought I'd share some of the tools we'll use to communicate with everyone back home:

TripIt - this is both a website and application for the iPhone that allows you to upload and get real time updates on your itinerary.  We'll use this to monitor flight delays, weather and our flight time line.  You can see our itinerary here. 

Skype - this is a software application (and also app for the iPhone) that allows you to make phone calls over the internet.  Calls to other Skype users are free and to landlines and cell phones are very cheap.  This is the primary way we plan to call back home as using our cell phone costs $4 per minute!

Twitter - this is how we will provide most of our updates.  We can post updates via either our laptop or text messages.  People can either follow @scotthimes on Twitter or monitor the right side of our adoption blog.  All of our twitter posts also automatically post to my Facebook page.

AudioBoo - this is a iPhone app that lets you record audio updates and post them.  It integrates with Twitter and Facebook so it will show up as a link that people can click on to listen to.  Not sure how much we'll really use this but it's something we'll play around with.  We'll need an wifi connection to upload these updates so it's a little limited.

BrightKite - another iPhone app that integrates with Twitter.  You can 'check-in' and it posts your actual location along with a picture that shows up as a link.  Also shows you interesting locations and other users in the area you are at... not sure there will be many other users in Rwanda or Ethiopia, but we'll see.  Same as AudioBoo, not sure how much it'll get used but something to play with.

Typepad Blog - you most likely are reading this post on my blog.  This is where you can view our Twitter updates (right side), see what time it is in Rwanda (top left) and hopefully we'll be able to post some more detailed updates, photos and videos.

My Identity

It is easy for us walk around with a wrong identity.  In our culture today there are many places people get their identity from:

Their Past                                                Parents
   What Others Say                                  Cultural/Ethnicity
   Successes/Failures                              Sexual Orientation
   Job/Profession                                      Relationships

As followers of Christ, and being a son/daughter of God, the proper place for us to get our identity is from Him.  God is our Creator and Father.  He knows us better then anyone else, He knows who we really are. 

Here is what God says about you.  You are…

... a child of God.  (John 1:12)

… a friend of Christ.  (John 15:15)

… a temple for God to reside.  You belong to God and He resides in you.  (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

… part of the body of Christ, God’s family.  (1 Corinthians 12:27)

… a saint.  (Ephesians 1:1)

… adopted into God’s family.  (Ephesians 1:5)

… someone that God is pleased with. (Ephesians 1:5)

… someone that has direct access to God through the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 2:18)

… a person who has been redeemed and forgiven. (1 Colossians 1:14)

… complete in Christ.  (Colossians 2:10)

… free from condemnation.  (Romans 8:1-2)

… free from any charge against you.  (Romans 8:31-34)

… a person that CANNOT be separated from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:35-39)

… confident that God is doing a good work in you and that He will bring it to completion. (Philippians 1:6)

… not filled with a spirit of fear or timidity, but a spirit of power,  of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 2:7)

… chosen and appointed by God to bear fruit. (John 15:16)

 

Guarding My Sabbath

Today is my day off, or what Christians call a Sabbath.  It's a day where I do no work, rest, spend a lot of time with the family, and time with God.  This is something God commands us to practice each week, but for most of my life it's been something I've ignored.

As I've started taking a Sabbath and incorporating it in to my life I've also realized that it is REALLY hard to do.  There are constantly interruptions, work and other things trying to take my Sabbath away.  The temptation is to make my Sabbath into another day of the week, using it to work.  I sometimes feel guilty or overwhelmed because it seems like I must force myself to take a Sabbath and then aggressively protect it from all the things that want to interrupt it.

However, I was encouraged to see that this isn't something that just I battle with, or even those of us living in our busy culture.  Keeping a Sabbath has always been something that people have had to be intentional about and guard or it would not happen.  Check out what Nehemiah did to protect the Sabbath in his time:

 ¹⁹ When evening shadows fell on the gates of Jerusalem before the Sabbath, I ordered the doors to be shut and not opened until the Sabbath was over. I stationed some of my own men at the gates so that no load could be brought in on the Sabbath day. ²⁰ Once or twice the merchants and sellers of all kinds of goods spent the night outside Jerusalem. ²¹ But I warned them and said, "Why do you spend the night by the wall? If you do this again, I will lay hands on you." From that time on they no longer came on the Sabbath. ²² Then I commanded the Levites to purify themselves and go and guard the gates in order to keep the Sabbath day holy. (Nehemiah 13:19-32)

Do you take a Sabbath each week?  What must you do to protect this valuable, God ordained time in your life?

40 Days - No Radio or TV

Last week I ended a period of 40 days where I did not listen to any radio or watched any TV. I did this radio/TV fast not out of some religious obligation or duty, but because I realized these items were addictions in my life that got in the way of my relationship with God.  I am not satisfied where I am with God.  I want to go deeper, know Him more and be more obedient to Him in every area of my life.

Fasting TV wasn't that difficult as I watch very little TV anyway.  However, not listening to the radio in my car was very difficult.  I had become used to, and in some ways dependent, on the noise that the radio provided.  The first week without radio was challenging and I found myself being bored, irritated and impatient during my times in the car with silence.  As that passed I learned to utilize this time as an opportunity to dialog with God my Father, sometimes being quiet and just listening, while others times praying or worshiping.  

I am now several days out of my radio 'fast.'  I've only turned on the radio once.  Before I craved this diversion in the car, now I don't need it.  In it's place I've substituted silence and communion with my God which is a pretty good trade-off in my book!

What in your life is keeping you from a deeper relationship with God?

Creating Margin In Life

Many people lives theirs lives on the edge, just a step away from disaster.  God has been teaching me through our current series called Rhythm at Life Church and a book I'm reading called Spiritual Leadership to create margin in my life.  Henry & Richard Blackaby describe margin as "the reserve amount of time, money, energy and emotional strength people maintain in order to remain healthy."

Margin applies to every area of our life.  I believe this is one of the key ideas behind why God commands us to rest and keep a Sabbath.  He knows that He did not create us to go 110% constantly with no break.  He doesn't operate this way, and if we are created in His image, why should we think we are any different? 

Here are some practical ways I'm creating margin in different areas of my life:

• Financially - establishing an emergency fund and monthly budget to make sure we don't over extend our finances or live on the edge where we can't absorb a financial blow.
• Relationally with Courtney - regular date nights and times where we are intentional about spending time together and talking about life. 
• Health - regular times to workout and rest.  This includes taking short naps and being physically active. I'm spending more time now taking naps and being active then I have in a long time... I used to feel guilty about this time, thinking about how I could be working but have realized that these times make me much more productive and focused when I do work.
• Occupationally - work hard, stay organized, and regularly take times to step back and look at the strategic picture.  This makes sure I'm not getting a lot done and being efficient with my time, but not being effective.  This is a struggle for me.
• Spiritually - fighting to maintain a personal time with God each day, and a day each week for a Sabbath.  It seems there are always interruptions and distractions that want to invade these times.

What areas of your life are you living on the edge and need to create some margin?

Fireworks - the quick thrill

I used to love fireworks.  When I was young I'd save up money (way more then my parents ever wanted me to), go to the fireworks store with my dad the week before July 4th and spend everything I had.  I remember the excitement leading up to that night, organizing and planning how I would set them off, in what order, which would be saved for the finale.  Then the night would come and everyone on our street would bring their fireworks to our circle and we'd set them off together.  There was something about playing with fire, the smell of the gunpowder, the danger, the bangs and lights in the sky that was exhilarating.  It was the one time of the year I was allowed to be a pyromaniac.

Now I don't get excited about fireworks anymore.  I still like to watch them but the investment of time and money just doesn't seem worth the few seconds of thrill that I get form them.  I guess I've come to realize that the fireworks are just brief, short and temporary.  Perhaps I've discovered larger and better things to invest my resources in.  Maybe I'm just old.  I'd like to think I've become wise and no longer live my life for the immediate reward, but have a longer term perspective.  Not sure which.

Tonight, instead of playing with fireworks I'm spending my time taking a bunch of soda and popsicles out to a local park and giving them away for free (if the weather holds out.)  Why?  To tell people that God Loves Them.  That's all.  No strings attached.  Probably no immediate rewards.  Not as fun to watch as fireworks but the long term results will be far richer.

Roller Coasters & Losing Control

 Last week we took a day trip up to Cedar Point with the other staff from Life Church.  Cedar Point is a favorite destination of ours as it's the roller coaster capital of the world. 

As with any amusement park, you pay a lot of money and stand in line for a long time to go on rides that last only a few minutes.  What is it about these parks that make them so attractive and keep people coming back?  I think there is something about the feeling and idea of losing complete control, even if just for a few minutes, that is appealing.  The thrill of not being in charge, or trusting these rides and the people that run them, and the adrenaline rush of being taken places and in directions that seem to defy logic and bring you near death.

What amazes me is that people will do this for an amusement park ride, but when it comes to our life we want to have complete and total control.  We are unwilling to release the tight grip we feel we have over our life, our situations and our future.  However, I've learned that the greatest thrill ride in the world is not found at an amusement park, it is found in fully surrendering and following Jesus Christ.

Jesus said it this way,
" ²³Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. ²⁴For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. ²⁵What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" (Luke 9:23-25)

Just like we give our life over to the roller coaster operator for a few minutes while we're on that ride, the only way we can fully live life is by giving our life to Christ.  There is no greater adventure, adrenaline rush or fulfillment in life then discovering the purposes God created you for.

Are you still holding on tightly to your life, or have you given it to Christ so you can live the great adventure you were created for?

How will you be remembered?

How will you be remembered?  What will people write on your epitaph?  What will be said of you at your eulogy or in the obituary?  These sound like morbid things to consider but considering these questions can have a profound impact on how you prioritize, make decisions and live life.  Stephen Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People said it this way, "Begin with the end in mind." 

I've been spending some time reading about some of the great characters in the Bible and how they were remembered at the end of their life or after they died. Here are some excerpts:

"I followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly." Caleb reflecting back on the decisions and life he lived for God in the midst of critics and a rebellious people.  (Numbers 14:6-15)

"All these people were still living by faith when they died." Author of Hebrews talking about the various individuals he's mentiond in the Hall of Champions of Faith. (Hebrews 11:13)

"For David had served God's purpose in his own generation." (Acts 13:36)

"However, I consider my life worth nothing, to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me..." Paul talking about his life and how he wants to finish since he knows the end is coming soon. (Acts 20:24)

"Israel (Jacob) worshiped as he leaned on his staff." Jacob at the very end of his life was still worshiping God. (Genesis 47:31)

Wow, I am humbled and feel very insignificant in the midst of the giants in the Bible mentioned above.  However, God reminded me that these weren't super saints or men with special powers, they were just men like you and I.  They were men that loved God with all their life and lived their life fully for Him to the best of their abilities.  This is the type of life I want to live. 

What will be said about me?  I don't know... but I want to live and finish my life like the men above.

What will be said about you?

Transition - Goodbye Himes Hotel

Do you ever feel that you are on the verge of a major transition in life?  Courtney and I feel that way now.  A lot of it has to do with our adoption and the strong likelihood that we'll be adding two more children to our family.  However, we also feel that some of our 'current' life is going to come to an end. 

I'll give you an example.  When we got married and purchased our first house we prayed that God would allow us to have a home that was inviting, welcoming and a safe place for others.  He's answered that prayer in greater ways then we ever imagined.  The running joke for the last 4 1/2 years is that we operate the Himes Hotel.  About 2/3 of the time we've been married we've had 1, 2 or 3 other people living with us (not counting Noah.)  Some of them have been family, others friends or people that are just in need or transition.  While at times this has been challenging and difficult, we would not have had it any other way.  We view it as a ministry, opportunity to serve and love others.

We believe this part of our life is now coming to an end (I hear my neighbors cheering, this means fewer cars parked along the street :).  Simply due to logistics we will not be able to have people stay with us on a long term basis.  This is probably best as we raise a family and create a sense of normacly in our home.  However, there is also some sadness as we transition away from this (at least until our kids start having sleep overs.)

Transitions are always difficult.  Change is not easy.  However, my heart is to embrace change and follow God where He leads.  I've learned that a life lived for God will always be in a state of change as it keeps me in a state of constant dependence on Him (I think that's the way He likes it!)  

How do you handle transitions in your life?  Do you embrace them or resist?

Check out Erik Cooper's post on a transition he's getting ready to make.