LifeChange

Parenting: The Trap of Quality vs. Quanitity

I'm still new at this parenting thing but one trap I've noticed in my own life and as I've observed other parents is the lie that quality time is more important than quantity time with our kids.  In our self absorbed and efficiency driven culture it is easy as parents to tell ourselves that our kids just need some 'quality' time with us.  It easy for us to justify not spending time with our children as we point forward to (or look back at) special times where we will spend quality 1:1 time with our child.  Here are some ways this plays out in life:

• It's OK if I miss another ball game as I'll schedule a breakfast to take my boy out on Saturday
• I've got to spend most of tonight in my home office working on this project, I'll make sure to come out to read and pray with the kids before bed
• The kids will understand that I've got to travel and be away from home for another night, as we had a really good family vacation together last month
• I'm going to be there for the opening night performance, so it's OK if I don't make it to the rehearsals
• I'll let the kids watch another DVD while I work on this project out in the garage, then we'll spend some time together

Parents - YOUR KIDS WANT YOU.  They want your time, your attention, your affection, your approval.  These things tell them that you love and value them.  The old saying is true that LOVE is spelled TIME.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all we should do is sit by our kids every night while watching TV or playing video games (neither of those things are bad in moderation.) The 'what' we do while spending time with them does matter.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 is one of my favorite verses on parenting.  It seems to say that we need to be spending a large quantity of time with our kids and make it quality as well:

⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Have you every fallen for the 'quality vs. quantity' lie as you parent your kids?  I'd love to hear what you've learned in this area as I'm still figuring it all out as well!

Guarding My Sabbath

Today is my day off, or what Christians call a Sabbath.  It's a day where I do no work, rest, spend a lot of time with the family, and time with God.  This is something God commands us to practice each week, but for most of my life it's been something I've ignored.

As I've started taking a Sabbath and incorporating it in to my life I've also realized that it is REALLY hard to do.  There are constantly interruptions, work and other things trying to take my Sabbath away.  The temptation is to make my Sabbath into another day of the week, using it to work.  I sometimes feel guilty or overwhelmed because it seems like I must force myself to take a Sabbath and then aggressively protect it from all the things that want to interrupt it.

However, I was encouraged to see that this isn't something that just I battle with, or even those of us living in our busy culture.  Keeping a Sabbath has always been something that people have had to be intentional about and guard or it would not happen.  Check out what Nehemiah did to protect the Sabbath in his time:

 ¹⁹ When evening shadows fell on the gates of Jerusalem before the Sabbath, I ordered the doors to be shut and not opened until the Sabbath was over. I stationed some of my own men at the gates so that no load could be brought in on the Sabbath day. ²⁰ Once or twice the merchants and sellers of all kinds of goods spent the night outside Jerusalem. ²¹ But I warned them and said, "Why do you spend the night by the wall? If you do this again, I will lay hands on you." From that time on they no longer came on the Sabbath. ²² Then I commanded the Levites to purify themselves and go and guard the gates in order to keep the Sabbath day holy. (Nehemiah 13:19-32)

Do you take a Sabbath each week?  What must you do to protect this valuable, God ordained time in your life?

Life Church Is Now Vineyard

Since Life Church began in April 2006 we have not been a part of any association, denomination or larger body of churches.  It hasn't been that we didn't want to associate with anyone, it's that we've been waiting for God to direct us to the right group with a common heart and vision.  Over the last two years we have been connecting with a group of pastors around Indianapolis from a community of churches called Vineyard.  Vineyard is a community of churches around the world that have existed for over 30 years, and Life Church has now joined the Vineyard.

Here are some highlights on why we have taken this step:

1) Resources - the Vineyard is very mature as an organization.  They have weathered many storms, adapted to changes in culture, different movements of God and grown under different leadership.  Due to their rich history, diverse churches, depth of talent, theological maturity, and heart for the Kingdom of God they have a wide assortment of resources that we can now access.

2) Relationships - this may be one of the most important factors, but relationally our DNA is closely aligned with who the Vineyard is.  Our heart to serve, reach those that are far from God, create environments and opportunities for God to intersect people's lives, and focus on the Kingdom of God are all key elements of both Life Church and the Vineyard.

3) It's Biblical - there does seem to be a Biblical model of individual groups of believers being a part of something larger.  I believe there is strength, covering, support, encouragement and greater potential in being a part of something larger then ourselves.  

4) We Need It - We cannot do everything on our own that God is calling us to.  To answer the call and vision God has given us as Life Church we must work closely with other churches and like minded people.

So what will change at Life Church?  Not much.  Our name stays the same, and we will remain independent from a government and financial standpoint.  There will be no changes to leadership or staffing.  In the months ahead you will see resources such as conferences, training and opportunities to serve as we work alongside other Vineyard churches.

Rwanda Travel Preparations Update

We have been busy the last several days getting both our house and our travel arrangements in order.  We leave in 11 days!

We went to a Travel Clinic here in Indy to get our shots. Thankfully since we've both been to Africa multiple times in the last 5 years we only needed shots for Meningitis and a TB/Whooping Cough booster.  In addition we got Cipro in case we run in to any stomach issues.  All that still cost $450!  The only medicine (besides generic over the counter items) we need to get is Larium for Malaria.  We are working on getting prescriptions for that right now.

Here at home Courtney has been busy preparing the girl's room.  The last person (Michael) to stay in the Himes Hotel vacated last Friday.  We cleaned out the room, moved the furniture out and today Courtney and her Mom painted it pink.  It's quickly starting to look very girly.  Maya and Keira will share that room while Noah will keep his room.

We're still working to move finances around, cash in some savings and get everything in order financially.  We have to pay for our plane tickets and in-country expenses before w go.  We also have to take about $2,500 cash (new, unmarked, nice bills) to cover the Visa and Filling Fees for the girls and spending money for us.

That's all for now.  Thanks again for being a part of this journey with us!

Plane Tickets Purchased for Rwanda

This week was a whirlwind.  We went from referral, to court approval, to finalizing travel plans all in a few days.  After the initial shock of how fast things were progressing we have been able to enjoy the ride and begin tackling all the items that need done before we leave in two weeks!

Our departure date is Sunday, September 6th at 6:00AM in the morning.  We will return to Indianapolis on Friday, September 18th. We purchased tickets yesterday using Susan Parr Travel. This is the same travel agency we used for our last adoption and the agency AWAA recommends.  Susan was great to work with and understands the unique challenges adoptive families face.

Introducing Maya & Keira (adoption pictures!)

Courtney and I are proud to introduce to you the two newest additions to our family, our little girls Maya and Keira.

Maya just turned two years old on Monday.

Keira is 15 months old.  

 

They should be coming home sometime in mid/late September!

Adoption Roller Coaster - Court Approval

The adoption journey is very much like a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs as you go through the various stages of the process.  Today we received a call from our agency that seemed more like a corkscrew on a roller coaster then an up or down. 

Our expectation at this stage in the process was that after we accepted our referral (which we did a few days ago) that we would have a court date in about 2-4 weeks and then we would travel several weeks after that.  Today we learned that our court date happened LAST week the same time while we were reviewing our referral.  We've never heard of a court date happening in parallel with a referral and still aren't sure why it happened (other then to keep us moving along with the two families ahead of us who received their referrals about a month ago.)  

This is GREAT news as it means that Maya and Keira are officially our children!  It also means we can post pictures which I'll be doing in my next post.  It also means that we could travel in two and a half weeks.  However, there are several things happening in September with our families and at church that traveling later in September or early October worked really well.  The idea of having to get everything ready (including finances) before we leave also seems impossible in many regards. 

If you are the type that prays, I'd ask that you pray for Courtney and I over these next few days as we weigh the options, expectations and demands on us as we determine what will be the best time for us to travel.  Pray for God's wisdom, direction, peace and guidance as right now both Courtney and I are feeling overwhelmed.  Thanks.

Referral Approved, Next Steps...

Last Friday we spoke with the doctor who specializes in adoptions at Riley Children's Hospital. After reviewing all the medical information and the pictures of our girls she said there is nothing that stands out to her as a red flag or major concern.  So on Saturday we signed our referral acceptance letter, wrote a large check for $7,625, a letter to the Rwandan Government requesting permission to travel out of country with our girls, and sent it all via FedEx to AWAA.

In the next few weeks a court date will happen in Rwanda.  At this court hearing our adoption agency will represent us and if the judge approves our case we will become official parents to Keira and Maya in the country of Rwanda!

While we're waiting for the court date we will spend the next few weeks getting our house ready (ie. Courtney will be painting the girls' room pink), getting our needed shots, and sharing an update on our referral with all those that have supported us financially.

Thanks again for all your support and encouragement!

Final 11 Reasons To Be In A Life Group

Life Groups are starting this week at Life Church.  If you still haven't signed-up for one here is my last attempt with 11 more (and final) reasons to be in a Life Group.  Sign-up here.  (first 11 here, second 11 here)

1. They’re safe
2. There is one that fits in your schedule
3. A place to find spiritual fathers/mothers and sons/daughters
4. God often teaches us more through another person then He will directly
5. God created us to live life in community with others
6. Many commands and recommendations in scripture can only be done with other people
7. People to serve with in outreach
8. You will be tested and challenged in ways that you couldn’t alone
9. A place to talk about difficult things in life
10. You will be a stronger person and Christian because of it
11. You’ll be bored not being in one

Explore the groups and sign-up here.

Referral Under Review at Riley

Quick update on what's been happening with our adoption since receiving our referral.  We finally got our final referral and all the medical information this past Tuesday from AWAA.  We have sent all our information and pictures off to a doctor at Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis.  She specializes in adoptions and foreign diseases so she will give us a second opinion or our children's condition and anything she notices that is concerning.

Assuming there are no red flags on the medical end we will accept our referral early next week, pay our final program fee and international program fee to AWAA (total of $7,850!!!)  The next step will be we'll wait for a court date to be setup in Rwanda.

In the mean time Courtney continues to plan the girl's room with the help of her friends and mom.  She's extremely excited to have two little girls to dress up like princesses and to start having lots of pink stuff around the house!