LifeChange

Two Month Update For Our Family

It's hard to believe the girls have already been home for two months!  I wanted to provide a quick update on each of the three kids as to how they've transitioned and major events in their lives.

 Noah
 The big news for Noah is he started development preschool the first week of November.  He goes to school every day in the morning for about 3 hours.  He loves it!  His favorite part of it all is riding the bus.  Every morning he wakes up asking if he gets to go on the bus today... he's disappointed when the weekend is here as it means no bus.  This is a picture from his first day of school.  This has been much more difficult for Courtney and I then it has been for Noah as we've watched our little boy become a big boy.  Noah also has had some potty training successes over the last few weeks so we're looking forward to the end of diapers hopefully soon!

Maya
Maya has definitely become the girly girl of the house.  She is constantly wanting to accessorize with everything from hair barrettes, to socks and shoes, to coats and recently she found some mittens to wear around.  As you can guess Maya loved Halloween, so here is a picture of her all dressed up.  She loves helping around the house and is quick to do anything for Mom and Dad that will receive praise.  Her biggest frustration is her big brother Noah who likes to pick on her sometimes, and who hasn't learned that he should stop playing when she screams.  She is now repeating a lot of words when she hears us say them and is slowly building her vocabulary of words she'll say unprompted.  She just recently learned to put on her socks and shoes all by herself.  We're still battling giardia (a nurse just told me that it's common for it to reoccur with kids who had chronic exposure) but once that's gone we're going to start potty training as she is ready!

Keira
Keira continues to make everyone laugh.  She is miss personality and is very open about how she feels (both when she's happy and mad!)  We got to make our first Emergency Room trip with Keira last month.  She was playing with Noah and while running fell and hit her head on the corner of a filing cabinet.  She got a good cut on her forehead which ended up only requiring glue, no stitches.  Physically she has made a lot of progress and is exactly where a child her age should be.  She starting to say a few words that are common to a 1 1/2 year old.  She still has her chubby cheeks so she's always getting lots of kisses and attention from everyone.

If you'd like to see more pictures of the kids or our family, you can find them here in our 2009 Photo Albums.

Adoption & Foster Care in Indiana - Info Session

Every child deserves a family, 

and everyone can make a difference!

Information meeting on Adoption and Foster Care in Indiana

November 11^th 6:30pm -8:00pm

 at the Life Church Offices
700 N. High School Rd.
Indianapolis, IN  46214

November is 'National Adoption Awareness Month', especially set aside to raise awareness about the adoption of our children and youth from the foster care system. On November 11^th, LaDonna Wattley, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Adoption Consultant, will be conducting an informal presentation on Foster Care and Adoption in Indiana from 6:30pm-8:00pm at the Life Church Offices. If you’ve ever considered adoption, know someone who might be, or are just interested in learning more about the foster care and adoption processes in Indiana, we would like to welcome you to attend this event.  Please RSVP to Tara Prater at tlhobson@iupui.edu or Angie Moncrief at ammoncrief@sbcglobal.net so we are sure to have enough literature for everyone.  Feel free to email with any questions.  Hope to see you there at the Life Church offices next Wednesday.

Lands End Big Warm Up Video - creative idea

I share this not so much to promote the event but to demonstrate the creative way Lands End is getting the word out.  You can create a custom video here with someone's name on it and send it via email, Twitter, Facebook or on a blog.  Great job Lands End and a good cause for the Christmas season!

How To Re-Adopt In Indiana

We recently just started the re-adoption process for Maya and Keira here in Indiana.  This is required in most states for any foreign adoption your child travels back to the US on an IR-4 visa.  With our first adoption we paid a lawyer $500 to do it.  This time after learning about the process we decided to do it ourselves and save the money.  It's actually an easy process that will only take 2-3 hours of your time between filling out the paperwork and going to government center.  Since a lot of people have contacted us about this here are the details on how the process works.

The Forms
You will need these forms (note these are all specific to Indiana):

Record of Adoption
Medical History Form
Order Recognizing Foreign Adoption
Petition Recognizing Foreign Adoption

Contact Person
As of October 2009 this is the current contact for questions or issues related to re-adopting in the state of Indiana:

Denise Safford

Mental Health & Adoption Coordinator

Marion County Superior Court 8

Probate Division

317-327-5015; fax 317-327-4512; DSAFFORD@indy.gov

What To Do
Directions on filling out the forms and what to do with them are below.  This is text copied directly from an email I received from Denise:

Please complete the Petition and bring to court the original (notarized) and 3 copies.  Complete the Order (except for the judge signature!!) and bring the original and 3 copies.  Complete the Record of Adoption (ROA) and just print off one copy – bring with you to court.  There is no filing fee, however you need to bring two (2) separate checks for the Indiana State Department of Health (ISDH).  The first check is for $20.00 and is for the upkeep of the state registry.  The second check is for the actual birth certificate – one copy will cost $10.00, if you want two (2) copies the cost is $14.00 and three (3) copies are $18.00 – this is a per child cost.  Every time the petition, order or record of adoption asks for the child’s name it means the name of the child PRIOR to the adoption in the foreign country.  You will see where the name changes from “A” to “B” on all three documents.  For the ROA just complete parts I & II – I will complete part III after the paperwork has been completed and filed.  The petition asks for certain documents – you may attach copies (with the English translation).  You want to keep your originals in your own personal file.

Please print the medical history PDF file and complete it and then make a copy.  You may not know any of the child’s history so just leave it blank, but please sign the form and date it.  Bring both the original and copy to court.

 

When you come to court, please come to room 1721 on the 17^th floor of the City-County 

Building.  You will have to go through security so please refrain from bring anything into the building that you would normally not be taking into an airport.  Ask the bailiff to see a commissioner for domesticating a foreign adoption. 

Do you believe it is possible? (Desperation Band music video)

Throughout life we face inflection points where we've got to make a choice about what we will believe.  Will we believe God is able?  That God will come through?  That we will make it?  What we believe is a choice.  Any family going through the process of adoption asks this question frequently as they face challenges and setbacks.  Courtney and I have chosen to live a life believing the best and believing our God is able. 

This is a powerful music video from Desperation Band and their new song "Light Up The World" about God intervening here on the earth and specifically in the lives of the millions of orphans around the world!

Three Week Family Update

It's hard to believe that we've already been home for three weeks!  Everyone is doing well and we continue to adjust to our new 'normal.'  This week was Courtney's first regular week back at work and her schedule seemed to work well.  Our long term goal is to get Courtney to where she can at least cut back (she's currently working 3 days a week) or even stay at home!

The girls are doing well.  Maya is getting more expressive and making her presence known.  She's still not saying much but seems to have bonded with us really well and her two siblings.  Keira makes us laugh all the time with her crazy facial expressions.  We think Maya will be the motherly, caring one while Keira will be the outgoing, life of the party type. 

The only lingering issue we have is both girls are fighting an intestinal parasite called Giardia. It doesn't make them feel bad or sick, it just causes them to have lots of dirty diapers.  We have medicine for it but it may last another few weeks.  We're just tired of changing about 4 poopy diapers a day per child.  For our sake I hope it goes away soon!

Noah continues to learn to be big brother.  He is interacting more with the girls and we know this because many more 'fights' are happening these days in our house.  Everything from toys, to sippy cups, to blankets and attention from Mom and Dad are potential for sad and upset siblings.  I guess it's all normal and part of having brothers and sisters (even thought I never remember fighting with my sister growing up... ok, just kidding!)

On the adoption front our journey is not yet complete.  We still have the process of re-adoption which is required to make it legal here in the US.  Right now both girls are considered legal residents and should be getting their green cards soon.  Re-adoption will make them officially US Citizens, get a social security number, and US birth certificate.  The last thing we want to do right now is mess with a bunch more paperwork but we don't have an option.  We'll write more about the re-adoption process as we move along.

How do you resolve conflict?

Conflict in inevitable in our relationships with each other.  In marriage, friendships, dating,  between co-workers, and those people you work for... you aren't always going to agree on everything.  The chart below is something we use here at Life Church as we help people work through conflict.

A person who...

• ...values the relationship but has low self-esteem will most likely yield in the conflict.
• ...does not value the relationship but has high self-esteem will try to win the conflict.
• ...does not value the relationship and has low self-esteem will just withdraw from the conflict.
• Our culture typically promotes the compromise solution, which involves both people giving in some and finding ground in the middle.  Problem with this approach is you never get your way, there's a subtle temptation to keep track of everything you've given, you always feel like you're giving in and no real effort is made to resolve what's at the core of the conflict.
• ... values the relationship and has a high self-esteem will work to resolve the conflict.  This involves understanding where the other person is coming from, the root of the issue, understanding God's perspective, and loving the other person regardless of your personal feelings and position.  If you do these things then you can work together to resolve the conflict.

A conflict that is resolved does not keep coming back it.  It is settled.  True resolution means you explore and understand what's at the root of the conflict, not just addressing the symptoms (when we deal with just the symptons we keep having the same conflict over and over again.)

For those relationships in my life that I value and that are important to me, I will do whatever it takes to resolve the conflict and not just ignore it, compromise to make it just go away, or justify my position to win at any cost. 

How do you handle conflicts in your life with those you care about?

Update After One Week Home

We have been home as a family of five for one full week now.  What a week it has been.  It has been filled with highs and lows, as we all adjust to our expanded family and way of life.  We've been taking it a day at a time.  We've spent a lot of time overwhelmed and not sure what to do, but the joys and reminders from God along the way of His approval and guidance far outweigh any negatives.  Thought I'd provide a brief update on each of the kids and how they're adjusting...

Keira - what a change she's gone through.  A complete turnaround from the first few days we had here where she made no noise, had no expression and didn't move.  She is full of energy and smiles.  We had a battle with her the first few days about taking naps but she has now adjusted to her new schedule and routine.  She eats everything and would eat all day if we let her (as you can see by this picture.)  Not sure if she's still in orphanage mode (eat everything you can as you're not sure when the next chance to eat will be) or if her little body has a high metabolism.  The biggest struggle we have with her is she is really attached to Courtney and wants to be held A LOT.  She cries often when Courtney can't hold her for some reason.

Maya - Self confident, independent and intelligent would be how I'd describe her first week at home.  She obeys almost all our instructions and always wants to help out.  She's been very quiet (no noise unless she's laughing or afraid) so the doctor was a little concerned about that but we're going to give her 4-6 weeks to see how she progresses.  She also eats very well and actually feeds herself better then Noah does.  Biggest challenge with Maya are her tantrums she throws when she doesn't get something or gets in trouble.  I can tell we will never have to discipline her much, telling her No and giving her a stern look brings her to tears.  Funny note:  Maya is afraid of animals.  She has screamed multiple times when seeing our rocking horse, some of Noah's stuffed animals, or even an animal on TV.  Not sure if she's had a bad experience in the past or she just hasn't been around them much. Good thing we don't have any house pets... we've just got to get her used to the fake ones :)

Noah - High energy, likes to play and wants your attention.  We have noticed him being more needy and demanding our focus more then before, which is understandable.  We continue to work on his development and speech but continue to see progress.  We see a few instances each day where he plays the role of big brother and helps his sisters out or plays with them.  Most of the time he does his own thing unless a toy he wants is being used by someone else, then he exerts his size and age... so sharing is something we're working on a lot :)

Days #11 & #12: Heading Home

We made it!  We are now home on American soil, the girls have made it in the US, and we are reunited with Noah!  To finish our travel journey (as our journey of a family of five is just beginning) I thought I'd give you a quick recap of what happened.

Thursday - your prayers worked!  Everything went as we needed it to and described here.  "T" our AWAA representative picked up our visas just before the Embassy closed at 5PM.  Along with our visas each family was given a sealed yellow enveloped that could not be opened until we saw an immigration office at the point of re-entry in Washington D.C. We finished packing and head to the airport about 6:45PM for our 10:15PM flight out of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

Friday - The flight home went fairly well.  There were no flight delays or baggage issues which was good.  We learned in our flight from Rwanda that Maya has some difficulty when planes are descending and her ears would hurt but that didn't really happen until our final flight in to Indianapolis. 

We did get a prescription strength sedative (Kara, the mom in one of the other families is a nurse practitioner) that we gave to several of the kids to help them sleep.  This was a big help for several of the families and with Maya.  Keira slept very well (adoptive families - Benadryl works like this as well... this is what we used with Noah last time so be sure to take some)  Spending 26 hours in planes and airports is a long time for the kids so helping them get some sleep is important.  My Mom and Sister did an amazing job with the girls on the plane, especially Maya who can be stubborn at times.  Here's a picture of them with her.

When we got to D.C. we did learn that the IR-4 Visas had an error on them.  They said all the children were of Ethiopian nationality (not Rwandan) even though it had their birthplace right as Rwanda.  This is something we noticed on the flight home but at that point it was too late to do anything about it.  The Higgin's family got held up in Immigration for this, our officer did not catch it.  We were told this may cause issues during readoption so we'll see.  Lesson - double check all government documents you get from anywhere (remember one family had a similiar issue with their Rwandan Passport for their child in Rwanda with an incorrect birth date.)

Courtney's family and Kudzie were in the airport to welcome us home.  It was SOOOO good to see Noah again.  At first he was a little reserved and didn't respond to us, but after a few minutes he wouldn't let me sit him down (or give him to his Mom which Courtney didn't like.)  He seemed to have gotten bigger while we were gone (and I think we were also so used to holding Maya and Keira who are significantly smaller them him!) 

Anyways, we're back home now.  I'm writing this at 6AM Saturday morning.  The girls went to bed very well last night.  Maya woke up about 5AM but went back to sleep, I couldn't.  Feeling a little overwhelmed as we start our first full day as a family of five, but God spoke to me through this verse today:

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." - 2 Corinthians 8:9

Almost There... need some prayer

Tomorrow is (hopefully) our final day in Ethiopia. Everything we have done
in Rwanda and the last few days in Ethiopia have led up to this point. Here
is what needs to happen:

+ TB Tests are read for the kids over 2 years old, this includes Maya
(11:00AM)
+ TB test results and all medical info goes to Clinic for final processing
+ Clinic sends the medical info directly to the US Embassy (1:00PM)
+ We have our interview with the US Consulate officer (after 1:00PM)
+ We receive IR-4 Visas for each of the kids in their Rwandan Passports
(sometime before 5:00PM when the embassy closes)
+ We get on an Ethiopian Airlines flight and come home! (9:00PM)

That's what needs to happen tomorrow. The biggest catch is this: the
embassy says they don't do interviews in the afternoon, only the morning!

*We need you to pray for us. Pray for all the medical information to come
together and be fine. Pray for the US Consulate to break their normal
operating procedure and do something they say they won't do. Pray for favor
with the people involved and that we get everything done to bring our little
girls home!

God has blown us away countless times so far on this journey by making the
impossible possible and breaking down countless walls. I know He can do it
and I also know your prayers make a difference. Thank you for praying on
our behalf! *

If you don't see another post from me that means everything went well and
we're on our way home! We should arrive Friday at 1:49PM in Indianapolis.
You can see our itinerary here:
http://lifechange.typepad.com/lifechange/2009/09/rwanda-flight-itinerary.html